Author Archives: splendidwina

I’m not a feminist, but I still have something to say

Jamaican Kincaid wrote a story, Girl, to illustrate the social expectation about how to be a girl – a good one. The story is impressive. The mother told the girl how to be caring, kindly, and supportive to people around her. Girls are expected to be able to wash clothes, cook delicious food, and behave properly to attract men. Those ideas are passed down from generations to generations. We do not know who first started it, but we know we have to listen to and follow those rules.

Not only in ancient era, but also nowadays, media is still trying to enforce this image of women. Commercials on TV and magazines have a big impact on how women should behave, what they are like, and how they should be. Media sets the ideal image of women with slim bodies, beautiful faces, and nice personalities. There is only one standard of what women are. Why do women have to be a same copy that looks exactly like those models from the magazines? One of the reason is that they can fit in the social expectation and become someone that men want to marry.

Media also creates a stereotype that a women’s future is depending on the man she marries. One advertisement I have seen on a popular female magazine says, “A carat or more. When a man’s achievement becomes a woman’s good future.” I can’t help but wonder why women can’t strive for their own future by themselves.

Another shocking advertisement from a magazine disgusts me. It sells perfume, and the slogan is, “Apply generously to your neck, so he can smell the scent as you shake your head ‘no’.” Those advertisements create a climate of violence against women. After reading this advertisement, men probably assume that when women say “no,” it actually means “yes.” Not only advertisements, but also pop songs enhance the passive image. Rihanna recently produced a new song. The lyrics are telling the audience that women like to be treated violently by men. What a shame! Pop culture implies that women want to be forced to have sex. That might be one of the reasons that crime against women, such as murders, kidnaps, and rapes, have increased in our society.

I will teach my daughter in the future that how to be tough and brave. There is nothing to be afraid of to be a woman. So that one day, women can really stand up for their rights and become happy. Well, I want to address again that I’m really not a feminist.

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Wrong Decisions

She knew it was wrong. Nothing has been right since this morning. The alarm didn’t go off at ten because it was out of battery and she didn’t even notice. When she woke up, it was around eleven already. She jumped out of her bed and started getting ready. After putting the mascara on, she opened her closet to pick up a dress. Until then, she realized she forgot her laundry in the dryer last night before going out. “Dammit, I’m so late.” She thought. So she just grabbed a dress from the closet. It was a flowery summer style from last year. Whatever, outfit didn’t matter that much now. Half an hour later, she was ready to leave. She was carrying a purse on her left shoulder, a binder in her left arm, and a bottle of water in her left hand. She really needed some water for her hangover. Last night was a disaster, even though she always promised not to drink that much anymore. After locking the door, she dropped the key. Coincidentally it rolled under her feet, as she moved her right foot, the key got kicked underneath the door. “FUCK!” But she was running late. She decided not to pick up the key, “No one will notice the key there. I will try to get it out when I come back.”

As she walked down the street, the doorman was staring at her surprisingly, and said hi. It was Friday morning, and she should be at work at this time now. She, as a journalist, had been working in Times magazine for 2 years now after graduated from Northwestern. But today was special – she had to take a day off. She almost jogged to the metro station. She picked the wrong shoes. This new pair of high heels were killing her feet, but she didn’t have time to go back to change. She kept drinking her water on the way, and thought, “well, at least the weather is nice today.” A black young woman and a baby in a stroller came towards her. The baby had blonde hair and round blue eyes, looking really cute. “Well, it’s not too bad to have a little thing to keep me company. Nope, not a good idea!”

At least the fucking train was on time today. She jumped onto the train. It was as full as usual. “What’s wrong with people? Don’t they need to work or what at this time? Well, they might be tourists. Everyone goes to Central Park.” As she was thinking, she noticed an odd black fat guy from 5 persons away was staring at her. The guy was trying to move towards her. Luckily, the train approached E 63rd St. station. She quickly got out of the train. When she turned back, the guy in the train winked to her with a creepy smile. She shivered and ran out of the train station.

Finally, 635 Madison Avenue, she made it on time. It was almost one o’clock. She signed in at the reception desk, and sat down. She looked around and didn’t find any acquaintances. She knew she should have chosen some other gynecologists, maybe in Brooklyn. Well, she didn’t trust those rustics. Ten minutes later, the nurse came out and called her name. She followed the nurse into a room. “Get changed into the clothes on the bed and lie down. Dr. Bartel will be right with you.” The nurse left.

She got changed, and lay down on the freezing bed. “I shouldn’t do this. I have good income. I can nurture a baby by myself. I will find a nice man who loves me as well as my baby in the future. It’s not fair to kill it. But what if…” The doctor knocked at the door and came in. He smiled to her, and asked, “Are you ready?” She nodded.

Didn’t remember how long later, she got up and changed. She paid for the bill at the check-out desk. As she walked down the street again, she thought, “I might have made a wrong decision today.” and feeling cramping in her stomach.

I was just inspired to write a short story a few days ago. There’s not racism. And I’m not anti-abortion, but I will never be against the human nature of being a mother as a woman. I just feel gloomy about this controversial topic. Enjoy!

Chicago Blues and Impressionism

“Windy City”, even though the name came from Chicago’s politics, it was freezing like hell living by the Michigan Lake. That’s what I got from Chicago firstly. I was staying in a hostel 10mins walk from Michigan Ave, and the bridge to the Michigan Lake was just right outside the building. It was a really big hostel, clean and comfy. I met a Spanish engineer the second day from the hostel thought, and traveled around downtown Chicago with him. It was like in the movie “Before Sunrise”. It’s always fun to meet new people and talk about everything when traveling together.

Chicago, to me, it’s an elegant, tough (recovered impressively from the Great Fire), mature, and artistic city. It has a huge collection of impressionism art, moreover, it itself is a piece of artwork. From the Sears Tower at night, the whole city was colorful and flat, just like those paintings hanging in the museum. I visited the Art Institute of Chicago the first day, and spent a whole day there. My favorite two paintings are “Girl Looking out the Window” and “Paris Street: Rainy Day”. The former one is by a Norwegian Painter, Edvard Munch. A girl is standing in front of a big window, hiding herself from the curtain. I was wondering what she is hiding from – her secret lover? A murder? Or let’s say, her mother having an affair with her uncle? Haha, kidding. “Paris Street: Rainy Day” is by a French artist, Gustave Caillebotte, in 1877. The buildings and streets in the background are distinctive and edgy, the facial expressions of the the only two characters’ are vivid. I like the reflections of the passers-by in the water. I also like the tone of the painting, which is dim and misty, as the lines are soft and smooth. Impressionism is all about imagination and illusion.

I also went to a blues bar the last second night. It was really good music. I found that young people (at around 40) were sitting in the chairs and lifting their shoulders with the music, whereas old people (around 70yrs old) were dancing like crazy. I always wish I was born in the 30’s, so that I could dance like those in the movie “the Legend of 1900”. Maybe the world forgets about Shirley Temple and Bill Bonjangles Robinson, or Nat King Cole and Ray Charles, we forget how to dance with lovely music already.

Went to the Navy Pier with the Spanish cuttie, and got up to the big ferris wheel in such miserable weather (around 20 degrees). We were like kids on the wheel. It was freezing up in the air. But it gave me the best view with the twinkling lights around us, even better than in the Sears Tower. Ferris wheels are always my childhood artifacts – my personal goal is to get on every famous ferris wheel around the world. Sometimes I think life is like a ferris wheel, no matter how far you go, how high you used to be, everyone gets back to the origin.

Chicago blues and impressionism. I love this city. I love this trip.

Oh MEN, we’re so different

Today in my interpersonal communication class, the professor asked a question, “when do you think a relationship is ‘getting serious’?” He then asked us to jot down our own cues of seriousness.

     I wrote down on the paper – 1, when you start planning your future together; 2, when you meet each other’s friend as a boy/girlfriend; 3, when you make a commitment (no, I don’t mean marriage). The professor then asked the class to express their own opinions. Most of the girls agree what I jot down on the notes. They think when a guy starts doing something for both and wants to plan the future together with her, it means he is getting serious and realistic with the girl and their relationship. Moreover, girls all agree that when a man takes a girl to meet his friends or family, and introduces her as a girlfriend, that means he is serious too. Based on the theory (oh well), love consists of commitment, passion, and intimacy. So when u have the passion and intimacy, and start getting serious with it, you should make a commitment because passion will fade away, and intimacy will change through time. Well, but there is no points to keep the relationship if you’ve already lost two elements 😉

     Since only girls were talking about their opinions, the professor asked some of the guys in the room. Some guys agree with the “meeting friends/family” idea, and expressed that they would want their friends and family to like the girls they like. However, they have some other opinions too. One guy, who was on facebook for the whole class suddenly raised up his hand and said, “Well, I think a guy is serious about the relationship when he finds uncomfortable sleeping with some other girls.” The whole class burned to laugh. I found it funny because – since when, you need to test your seriousness about a relationship by sleeping with someone else?

     We then discussed about unwanted situation. Nowadays, schoolchildren are taught to “say no” when facing with unwanted activities. It’s easy to say no, but the problem is how. Some girls said when they were kissed in a club, they oscillated between obliging the guys’ advances and dodging their faces. Another girl said she couldn’t say no when her boyfriend asked her out in front of friends, and she didn’t want to embarrass or disappoint him by refusing. Well, we are taught to say no, but not how to say it forcefully enough that overconfident boys listen to us. Boys are normally trained to be persistent until they get what they want. However, the society expects females to be docile, compromising, subtle, and passive. Don’t deny it, as you can see from the experience – if a woman is not like what she is expected to be, people call her b*tch. Until one day when girls don’t have to face these pressures, they realize being polite doesn’t mean accepting those unwanted advances. Hey, I’d rather be a b*tch than a whore.

     Oh MEN, we’re so different! How should we communicate with you?

The Secrets of Sin City

Las Vegas, Nevada, is known as Sin City. Hong Kong S.A.R., China, is becoming another Sin City, and probably going to replace Las Vegas soon.

I lived 19 years of my life in Shenzhen, mainland China. It is a very young city with only 20 years of history. This city is only one river away from Hong Kong, but from what I see, it is very different from where I’m living now – Hong Kong.

When I was still in Shenzhen, I did not know much about what is going on in the world, not even China at some points. But I have been informed much since I got to HK. You might say I’m really ignorant when you get to know that I knew nothing about June 4th crackdown before I came to HK. My parents know everything but they just did not want to mention it until I asked. So nowadays, every time when I went back to visit them, I just couldn’t stop discussing about it with my dad. HK is a “sin city” to China government because people are out of control here.

What’s more, I think in mainland, people don’t have a sense of fashion. Well, I think Shanghai and Shenzhen are much better already. When I went to study in Beijing last summer, I was staying in one of the most famous universities of China. I don’t know how to describe the way people there dress up. But for those who have been to mainland, use your imagination. 😉 But somehow, you can still find stylish people in mainland, not as much as in HK though. I do not mean I approve the style of HK-neses’, but here, if you have your own sense of fashion, it’s way much easier to find what you want. I like shopping in those lanes and boutiques, some shop-owners import special items, and they are always cheaper than you expect. Well, I still spend a lot in the past two years even though I sometimes shopped cheap! HK is a “sin city” to my pocket! 😛 Thank god I’m earning my own life now.

Now, look, people, the parties in HK sin the most. HK is known as a fast-speed commercial city. There are so many businesses going on. People from different parts of the world come to HK to make money. They come and go in such a short time. So night life is so important to them. I wonder since when HK became a city famous for its night life, even Vivienne Westwood designed a stamp necklace for HK recently – it reads “24 hours”. CLUBBING, DRINKING, SMOKING. HK’s favourite vices. In general (here, I say ‘in general’), HK girls want to marry white guys, white guys are never serious about who they met, but only want to have ‘fun’. Well, sometimes they will find true love here, maybe less than 5%. However, underneath the glitz and glamour of this “sex-and-the-city”, I have a story to warn those who want to come to HK for ‘fun’ –

A HK girl used to have a boyfriend who has HPV. After she broke up with him, her best friend booked the reservation in the hospital and took a dayoff for her to take the test. But on that day, she called her friend saying, “I think I’m not going. I’m fine for sure. And I slept with a guy last night anyway.” Two weeks later, this girl called her friend again. This time she told the friend that she slept with a guy who has STD without condom. After that, she has slept with around 30 different guys (mostly are one-night-stand) in one year, and sometimes without condoms. She has never taken the test, injected the HPV Vaccine or taken the birth-controlling pills.

Everybody, HK is really small. After two years living and partying in HK, I came out with such an analysis – if you add someone you just get to know in LKF (clubbing district in HK) the night before on facebook, you would find s/he has at least one mutual friend; you might find out one of your friend’s friends has slept with a guy who is your ex-boyfriend. So, now you can imagine how many guys have been influenced by the girl in the story, and how many girls have been influenced by those guys. HK is such a sin city that it spreads HPV/STD.

I have had two romances, made around 300 new friends, met three crooks, smoked 206 packs of cigarettes in the past two year since I got to HK. What? Alcohol? Uncountable. I blame myself for kissing around when I was drunk. However, luckily, I don’t sleep around.

Eight days later, I’ll be taking off for the USA. I have heard a lot about this country, eventually, I get the chance to see it with my own eyes. I love and hate this sin city. I hate those stupid drunken things I’ve done. Whereas, I’m moving forward to the so-called most powerful country to change my life. Maybe I can compare Las Vegas with HK and get to know which one is more sin.

Got a little bit hurt by a crook recently. So the view is a little bit negative.

I can’t wait til I leave so that I can remove you from my life.