Today in my interpersonal communication class, the professor asked a question, “when do you think a relationship is ‘getting serious’?” He then asked us to jot down our own cues of seriousness.
I wrote down on the paper – 1, when you start planning your future together; 2, when you meet each other’s friend as a boy/girlfriend; 3, when you make a commitment (no, I don’t mean marriage). The professor then asked the class to express their own opinions. Most of the girls agree what I jot down on the notes. They think when a guy starts doing something for both and wants to plan the future together with her, it means he is getting serious and realistic with the girl and their relationship. Moreover, girls all agree that when a man takes a girl to meet his friends or family, and introduces her as a girlfriend, that means he is serious too. Based on the theory (oh well), love consists of commitment, passion, and intimacy. So when u have the passion and intimacy, and start getting serious with it, you should make a commitment because passion will fade away, and intimacy will change through time. Well, but there is no points to keep the relationship if you’ve already lost two elements 😉
Since only girls were talking about their opinions, the professor asked some of the guys in the room. Some guys agree with the “meeting friends/family” idea, and expressed that they would want their friends and family to like the girls they like. However, they have some other opinions too. One guy, who was on facebook for the whole class suddenly raised up his hand and said, “Well, I think a guy is serious about the relationship when he finds uncomfortable sleeping with some other girls.” The whole class burned to laugh. I found it funny because – since when, you need to test your seriousness about a relationship by sleeping with someone else?
We then discussed about unwanted situation. Nowadays, schoolchildren are taught to “say no” when facing with unwanted activities. It’s easy to say no, but the problem is how. Some girls said when they were kissed in a club, they oscillated between obliging the guys’ advances and dodging their faces. Another girl said she couldn’t say no when her boyfriend asked her out in front of friends, and she didn’t want to embarrass or disappoint him by refusing. Well, we are taught to say no, but not how to say it forcefully enough that overconfident boys listen to us. Boys are normally trained to be persistent until they get what they want. However, the society expects females to be docile, compromising, subtle, and passive. Don’t deny it, as you can see from the experience – if a woman is not like what she is expected to be, people call her b*tch. Until one day when girls don’t have to face these pressures, they realize being polite doesn’t mean accepting those unwanted advances. Hey, I’d rather be a b*tch than a whore.
Oh MEN, we’re so different! How should we communicate with you?